Recently I was told by a close friend that I quite possibly am one the most complex people he knows, which is odd to me cause I think i'm really simple. There isn't that much to me, you meet me and you essentially get what you see. I don't really hide anything, yes maybe people don't know about my life experiences but that is usually gained through time and some sort of relationship. I didn't and still don't get how i can be complex. My friend says that compared to most people what I want out of life or how i approach life is entirely different. Most people would be satisfied with financial security, a nice loving family and a stable and successful career, maybe he is right about that. I on the otherhand would not be content or satisfied with that, there is soo much more out of life that I want or expect.
Human beings have to a have a greater purpose than simply to feel safe and perpetuate our species. Whether or not you believe in a higher purpose isn't the point here, the point is that we as evolved entities have the ability to create a purpose for ourselves that is beyond ourselves. Other animals cannot do this, they are guided by their basic instincts and drives. We are the only animal that can contemplate ending our own existence and do it, suicide. Why is it that we don't care to try and develop a higher purpose for ourselves. We look for contentment not peace and it is always self contentment. We pass through life looking at people around us who clearly are crying out for help or simply need some emotional or mental support yet we turn our backs to them because they don't fit into our lives, we live simply for ourselves. Don't get me wrong there are a select few that genuinely live to help others and through that help they fulfill themselves and find the peace that most of us spend our lives searching for but never find.
In the Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna says to Arjuna "Bahunam Janmanam Ante Jnaanavan Mam Praparyathe, Vaasudeva Sarvam Iti Sah Mahaatma Surdurlabhaha." What this means is "At the end of many lives that person situated in knowledge sees Vaasudeva (Krishna or God) in all things, such person is indeed very rare." The rarity here isn't that people cannot reach this stage it is that people don't care to reach this stage. This stage requires us to see in all things the same thing we see in ourselves, that spark of life, the dignity and respect we give to ourselves, the divine that we respect is present in us just as it is in your best friend, wife/husband and even that person that you loathe or find disgusting. Once you reach that level, how can you disassociate yourself from all those around, how can you let the plight of others go ignored? You can't, it is compassion, the same compassion that Buddha preached. Compassion isn't merely giving money to some charity it has to be much more personal than that. Maybe I'm a hypocrite because i haven't totally given myself to all this, i've done such work but not as often as I should or even want to. I think we can even make it simpler than that, just reach out and give a shit about the people around you, even the ones that you don't like so much, never leave anyone hanging, don't turn you back, put aside your own ego for a while and just be.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Saturday, April 16, 2005
What do you have to show?
Well, i've been alive for about 26 years give about 6 months, my time at law school is coming to an end and soon i will be joining the real world and work force. Apparently my entire life is ahead of me and there is so much for me to do. A random thought popped into my head as it every so often does and made me think what have I got to show for the past 26 years of life. I thought about it and sadly I don't think its much. I don't mean in terms of monetary or professional achievements, money has never been a goal of mine, it is only a means to achieving an end, not an end in itself. Although, most of the society essentially seeks the security and comfort that money affords them even if they claim they don't seek money as an end. A person is lauded as a success or something great once they have reached a certain level of financial power.
Our heroes are people who have achieved considerable amount of personal success, meaning success that concerns primarily themselves. The athletes, whose hard work and dedication is essentially for themselves so that they may either play the game out of love or benefits that come from being good at their sport. Same with musicians, actors and all entertainers. We have very few and far between heroes who really have done something outside themselves. Everyone wants to be a Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant but who wants to be a Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi these days.
In Hindu thought there are four goals in human existence, they are called the purusha artha or four ends of mankind. The four goals are: artha (wealth), kama( bodily and mental desires), dharma (duty) and moksha (salvation). Human beings are to strive for each of these goals. Wealth is necessary for life within a society, desire is necessary because humans should not deny their most basic needs and urges. Duty or Dharma is very important because artha and kama should not be pursued without the binding force of Dharma, one is to try and achieve kama and artha within the guidelines of dharma, which also includes chairity (which many hindus convienently forget). Finally there is moksha or salvation from bondage of human existence and the universe of transience and impermenance. This is the final stage and also the hardest goal, and requires that three other goals be done with this goal in mind, it requires total surrender of the notion of the individual as an actor or agent into an instrument of the divine. That discussion is for another day.
Essentially, I was thinking about all this stuff and it sort of dawned on me that I really don't have much to show. If i were to die tomorrow, what would i leave the world? Aside from being a good friend, son, brother, cousin and/or person? Did I leave anything lasting or will my life too essentially fade into the wind as billions before me? We are taught in this society to live for ourselves and do what makes us happy, but is this necessarily the best way to live? Do we not have a duty to others around us? If all the people in world were to only look after themselves then we would have a world in which no one helped another aside from helping themselves. Do I have an answer to remedy this problem? Nope not yet. Will I ever? No idea but one can hope. All I know is that I don't have much to show for 26 years of existence, especially if the standard is monetary.
The world is such a selfish place, the root of it is the ego or Ahamkara (the "I" maker). It is the "I" or ego that makes the world a bad place, the idea that I am the actor, things are done by me, the world revolves around me. Somehow we differentiate ourselves entirely from everyone and everything around us, it is this process of differentation that creates a rift between people, a rift which perpetuates the false notion that we are each islands unto ourselves and all that matters is what we do for ourselves and therefore we owe no duty to others. Our lives should have meaning and impact outside the personal sphere of existence, meaning outside simply our circle of family and friends. To help others who you have no real personal relationship or connection with is amazing. There is a saying: Manava Seva Madhava Seva, it means the Service of Humanity is the Service of God, to serving others is equivalent to serving God, for God exists in all things and beings, so one should help and serve others as if they are helping themselves. Just food for thought.
Our heroes are people who have achieved considerable amount of personal success, meaning success that concerns primarily themselves. The athletes, whose hard work and dedication is essentially for themselves so that they may either play the game out of love or benefits that come from being good at their sport. Same with musicians, actors and all entertainers. We have very few and far between heroes who really have done something outside themselves. Everyone wants to be a Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant but who wants to be a Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi these days.
In Hindu thought there are four goals in human existence, they are called the purusha artha or four ends of mankind. The four goals are: artha (wealth), kama( bodily and mental desires), dharma (duty) and moksha (salvation). Human beings are to strive for each of these goals. Wealth is necessary for life within a society, desire is necessary because humans should not deny their most basic needs and urges. Duty or Dharma is very important because artha and kama should not be pursued without the binding force of Dharma, one is to try and achieve kama and artha within the guidelines of dharma, which also includes chairity (which many hindus convienently forget). Finally there is moksha or salvation from bondage of human existence and the universe of transience and impermenance. This is the final stage and also the hardest goal, and requires that three other goals be done with this goal in mind, it requires total surrender of the notion of the individual as an actor or agent into an instrument of the divine. That discussion is for another day.
Essentially, I was thinking about all this stuff and it sort of dawned on me that I really don't have much to show. If i were to die tomorrow, what would i leave the world? Aside from being a good friend, son, brother, cousin and/or person? Did I leave anything lasting or will my life too essentially fade into the wind as billions before me? We are taught in this society to live for ourselves and do what makes us happy, but is this necessarily the best way to live? Do we not have a duty to others around us? If all the people in world were to only look after themselves then we would have a world in which no one helped another aside from helping themselves. Do I have an answer to remedy this problem? Nope not yet. Will I ever? No idea but one can hope. All I know is that I don't have much to show for 26 years of existence, especially if the standard is monetary.
The world is such a selfish place, the root of it is the ego or Ahamkara (the "I" maker). It is the "I" or ego that makes the world a bad place, the idea that I am the actor, things are done by me, the world revolves around me. Somehow we differentiate ourselves entirely from everyone and everything around us, it is this process of differentation that creates a rift between people, a rift which perpetuates the false notion that we are each islands unto ourselves and all that matters is what we do for ourselves and therefore we owe no duty to others. Our lives should have meaning and impact outside the personal sphere of existence, meaning outside simply our circle of family and friends. To help others who you have no real personal relationship or connection with is amazing. There is a saying: Manava Seva Madhava Seva, it means the Service of Humanity is the Service of God, to serving others is equivalent to serving God, for God exists in all things and beings, so one should help and serve others as if they are helping themselves. Just food for thought.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Protect the Weak?
"The essence of civilization is that the strong have a duty to protect the weak. In cases where there are serious doubts and questions, the presumption should be in favor of life."
These were the words of our illustrious president. He used it in reference to the recent death of Terry Schiavo's death. Death is always sad when viewed as the antithesis of life, but i'll try and talk about this later, right now i want to focus on the idea of protecting the weak. Terry Schiavo has been in a coma for 15 years, over a 1/3 of her life, every year it costs upwards of $80,000 to keep her "alive". The issue isn't whether it is just to keep her alive or not, that is a decision that should be left up to her desire and if not availible then her husband's. Does her family have a say? Absolutely, but not at the expense of Terry's own wishes, which were not to be kept alive artificially. Yet, i digress. I don't think this should be a legal issue, but something that should be left to the family. My issue is with Protecting the weak.
"Protect the weak", we are a shining example of that. Many people have come out today and spoken about how its the government's job to protect the weak and those who rely on the mercy of others. Apparently, they are just talking about the people who are in comas or going to die soon because they aren't talking about the millions of people in this country without food, shelter or health care. Aren't these people also in need of protection? Why don't we care about providing them with the basic amenities that all people deserve? I've seen elderly people in their 60's and 70's in the streets of boston, without a home, money, food or health care, aren't these people in need of protection? They walk around without very much clothing in this freezing weather, its pathetic. The politicans and the country is split over an issue with a woman, who in all probability would not have come back to consciousness, but doesn't care about the millions of conscious people in the country who are without anything.
The reason this is an issue is because we like telling people how to life or die in this case. We want to tell people that Life is the only choice, when it might be more humane for death to be an option. Liberty and freedom is founded on the premise of choice, having two or more viable options. The conservatives in this country want to remove that, they have an idea of an ideal world and what society should be according to their values and seek to impose that on others thereby removing choice. How does this relate to those without food, shelter or medical care? Well, in these cases it is seen as if these people have brought this condition on themselves and its their own fault that they are in the situation they are in and no one needs to help them, especially the government. These people only affect us in a tangential way, meaning we see them and we avoid them. Whereas, in Schiavo's case, the possibility of us being in a coma is less but the impact might be seen as so much greater and its a situation that they see as being out of our control unlike being homeless and poor, which clearly is due to laziness. Just my two cents and rant.
These were the words of our illustrious president. He used it in reference to the recent death of Terry Schiavo's death. Death is always sad when viewed as the antithesis of life, but i'll try and talk about this later, right now i want to focus on the idea of protecting the weak. Terry Schiavo has been in a coma for 15 years, over a 1/3 of her life, every year it costs upwards of $80,000 to keep her "alive". The issue isn't whether it is just to keep her alive or not, that is a decision that should be left up to her desire and if not availible then her husband's. Does her family have a say? Absolutely, but not at the expense of Terry's own wishes, which were not to be kept alive artificially. Yet, i digress. I don't think this should be a legal issue, but something that should be left to the family. My issue is with Protecting the weak.
"Protect the weak", we are a shining example of that. Many people have come out today and spoken about how its the government's job to protect the weak and those who rely on the mercy of others. Apparently, they are just talking about the people who are in comas or going to die soon because they aren't talking about the millions of people in this country without food, shelter or health care. Aren't these people also in need of protection? Why don't we care about providing them with the basic amenities that all people deserve? I've seen elderly people in their 60's and 70's in the streets of boston, without a home, money, food or health care, aren't these people in need of protection? They walk around without very much clothing in this freezing weather, its pathetic. The politicans and the country is split over an issue with a woman, who in all probability would not have come back to consciousness, but doesn't care about the millions of conscious people in the country who are without anything.
The reason this is an issue is because we like telling people how to life or die in this case. We want to tell people that Life is the only choice, when it might be more humane for death to be an option. Liberty and freedom is founded on the premise of choice, having two or more viable options. The conservatives in this country want to remove that, they have an idea of an ideal world and what society should be according to their values and seek to impose that on others thereby removing choice. How does this relate to those without food, shelter or medical care? Well, in these cases it is seen as if these people have brought this condition on themselves and its their own fault that they are in the situation they are in and no one needs to help them, especially the government. These people only affect us in a tangential way, meaning we see them and we avoid them. Whereas, in Schiavo's case, the possibility of us being in a coma is less but the impact might be seen as so much greater and its a situation that they see as being out of our control unlike being homeless and poor, which clearly is due to laziness. Just my two cents and rant.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Pandora's Box
Most people know the famous greek myth of pandora's box. For those of you that don't know it, basically after Prometheus the titan created man and then gave them fire, the gods of Olympus were angry. So they created Pandora, the woman, and sent her to Prometheus as a gift. Prometheus refused to accept her knowing that the gods were deceitful and nothing good can come from them. Prometheus also cautioned his brother Epimetheus to do the same but Epimetheus was enamored by her beauty and accepted her. Hermes later came by and asked Epimetheus and Pandora if they can safekeep his box for them to which they complied. Hermes told them not to open the box and left saying he would return for it later. Epimetheus left and then Pandora was left alone with the box. She was overcome with curiosity and then opened the box. When she opened the box, all the evil and pain that mankind feels now flew out and entered all the people, she shut the box just in time to leave one thing in it....hope and then she opened it again and hope entered into all the people. This is the greek origin of the idea and emotion of hope.
Hope is both the bane of and greatest thing in human existence. It lets us survive ever second of every day, it gives us reason to live, a reason that sometime something great or fabulous will happen to us despite all the pain and suffering we endure. Some of us more than others, yet it persists, for most of us despite whatever we endure we still hope for a better tomorrow, a tomorrow that might never come or doesn't even exist. We have no real rational basis for this hope, in fact it makes no real sense. If anything it is like gambling but much less probable to happen. Hope is big game of chance, its pure probability or luck. We are playing a game in which we don't have any real reason to believe things are gonna get better or something good is gonna happen, we think just because so much bad has happened something has got to give and there must be some light at the end of the tunnel but sadly sometimes all there is, is only darkness, no light, just a tunnel that doesn't end or the end we'll never see. Hope is only pure chance, nothing true or real. It is a secret weapon we have but a weapon with no real power, a dud. All hope does is give us false sense of happiness, a false belief that things will work out, when in fact they maybe never do. Sadly we all wake up everyday, thinking that its a new day, a day different from the day before, a day in which something better will happen than the day before but its a false false reality. Every day is a continuation from the day before, no more new, just as bad or good as the day before was, and it will always remain so for most people. Maybe Pandora should have left that box shut and never let hope out, at least then we would all be able accept our fates and not falsely belief something better will come.
Hope is both the bane of and greatest thing in human existence. It lets us survive ever second of every day, it gives us reason to live, a reason that sometime something great or fabulous will happen to us despite all the pain and suffering we endure. Some of us more than others, yet it persists, for most of us despite whatever we endure we still hope for a better tomorrow, a tomorrow that might never come or doesn't even exist. We have no real rational basis for this hope, in fact it makes no real sense. If anything it is like gambling but much less probable to happen. Hope is big game of chance, its pure probability or luck. We are playing a game in which we don't have any real reason to believe things are gonna get better or something good is gonna happen, we think just because so much bad has happened something has got to give and there must be some light at the end of the tunnel but sadly sometimes all there is, is only darkness, no light, just a tunnel that doesn't end or the end we'll never see. Hope is only pure chance, nothing true or real. It is a secret weapon we have but a weapon with no real power, a dud. All hope does is give us false sense of happiness, a false belief that things will work out, when in fact they maybe never do. Sadly we all wake up everyday, thinking that its a new day, a day different from the day before, a day in which something better will happen than the day before but its a false false reality. Every day is a continuation from the day before, no more new, just as bad or good as the day before was, and it will always remain so for most people. Maybe Pandora should have left that box shut and never let hope out, at least then we would all be able accept our fates and not falsely belief something better will come.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Spring Break
So basically i've been in New York City for the past 5 days, and its awesome. I've been to this city like 4 times in 2 months, and hasn't got old yet, i'll be back here in a few days. I came with my friends Joey and Nikhil. Joey is a buddy from law school and Nikhil is my friend from undergrad. We got into NYC on friday night around 11:30, made it from boston in about 3 hours, which is good time, less than vegas. We got ready and left the apt within 45 min and headed out to the bars. We first went to this place called Proof, which according to Joey was supposed to be a good lounge, but apparently it is a undergrad hangout, which is superfically good but we are over that scene. Regardless, we decided to hang out for a lil bit and get a few drinks and partake in the scenery aka young nubile undergrad girls. ( just wanted to use that word, nubile) This one girl who was clearly drunk comes up to us while we are sitting down, and her freaking boobs were falling out of her shirt every minute, which again we weren't minding all that much but after 10 min that scene got played out and so we left and headed to another bar called Mercury Bar.
Mercury Bar was fun, we met some people that Nikhil knew and this other dude started to hit on Joey, we were gonna help Joey get out of it but the dude was gonna buy all of us drinks so we said what the hell, so basically Joey had to hang out with that dude for a few min, it was awesome. Then we headed to another bar called Metro 54 which was cool. Basically the next day we went around the city and saw Times Square and Central Park and the "Gates", what the hell is that thing. 21 million bucks on that? What a waste. That night we also went to like 4 bars: cellar bar, gstaad, light and then taj. Taj was happening as was Light, which had brazilian night. Kinda sad, the entire night I didn't see one girl that was worth my effort, aah well, c'est la vie.
Nikhil pointed out something that i didn't notice about myself recently. I've changed a lot in the past few months, i've become nicer in many ways, which is kinda weird for me. I'm not really sure why. I'm having a hard time being as much of an ass as i used to be, i'm actually a bit concerned about hurting people's feelings. Maybe its a sign of maturity? Anyways going to bed, late.
Mercury Bar was fun, we met some people that Nikhil knew and this other dude started to hit on Joey, we were gonna help Joey get out of it but the dude was gonna buy all of us drinks so we said what the hell, so basically Joey had to hang out with that dude for a few min, it was awesome. Then we headed to another bar called Metro 54 which was cool. Basically the next day we went around the city and saw Times Square and Central Park and the "Gates", what the hell is that thing. 21 million bucks on that? What a waste. That night we also went to like 4 bars: cellar bar, gstaad, light and then taj. Taj was happening as was Light, which had brazilian night. Kinda sad, the entire night I didn't see one girl that was worth my effort, aah well, c'est la vie.
Nikhil pointed out something that i didn't notice about myself recently. I've changed a lot in the past few months, i've become nicer in many ways, which is kinda weird for me. I'm not really sure why. I'm having a hard time being as much of an ass as i used to be, i'm actually a bit concerned about hurting people's feelings. Maybe its a sign of maturity? Anyways going to bed, late.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Ouch
Well its been a couple weeks since my last post, i've been somewhat busy. I went to NYC last weekend to visit my friend Aditya, who had flown up from LA. I hung out with him, Shanto and Bindi on friday night at this place called park, its pretty cool. The weekend overall was chill, nothing too crazy, i kept it lowkey, wasn't really in the party animal mood. Recently, i've been actually having a good relationship with my sister, which is really weird to me and is a sign i guess that we are growing up. She is considering moving to NYC this summer, which if it occurs will be kinda weird again because we will be in a new place together, although i highly doubt we will live together given that Big Daddy Schlong aka Mike Gates and i are gonna be roommates. (BTW I didn't make up that name, he is just called that)
I also dislocated my shoulder for the 13th time in 8 months on this tuesday. I was playing basketball and tried to do a big crossover in an attempt to juke the defender but my arm must have went to high and back which caused my shoulder to pop out. Its really getting annoying, i can't do most physical activities without worrying about it. I popped it back into place after 2 minutes of trying and then went out and played the rest of the game, so for the rest of the game i kept my left shoulder close to my body and didn't really try to move it except for dribbling. Despite that i did bring down a lot of boards and had 3 swats and about 8 pts. It wasn't my finest game but it was ok. On top of that, when i was going up for a layup the defender kicked me in the face and cut my nose and gave me a partial black eye, and was there a foul called? Nope, the monkey ass refs didn't call any fouls on the other team, only on us, what the bloody hell. My cut nose started to bleed a tiny bit and they wouldn't let me play until I made it stop bleeding. We got our butts handed to us but it was fun despite the fact the refs were douche bags. I think i have to have surgery and thats gonna suck, cause the rehab time will be like 6 months until i get full movement back into my shoulder. Anyways I think i'm going to NYC again this weekend with my friend Joey and probably Nikhil, still in the process of working that out. We have spring break next week and i will be spending it working on a couple of papers.
I also dislocated my shoulder for the 13th time in 8 months on this tuesday. I was playing basketball and tried to do a big crossover in an attempt to juke the defender but my arm must have went to high and back which caused my shoulder to pop out. Its really getting annoying, i can't do most physical activities without worrying about it. I popped it back into place after 2 minutes of trying and then went out and played the rest of the game, so for the rest of the game i kept my left shoulder close to my body and didn't really try to move it except for dribbling. Despite that i did bring down a lot of boards and had 3 swats and about 8 pts. It wasn't my finest game but it was ok. On top of that, when i was going up for a layup the defender kicked me in the face and cut my nose and gave me a partial black eye, and was there a foul called? Nope, the monkey ass refs didn't call any fouls on the other team, only on us, what the bloody hell. My cut nose started to bleed a tiny bit and they wouldn't let me play until I made it stop bleeding. We got our butts handed to us but it was fun despite the fact the refs were douche bags. I think i have to have surgery and thats gonna suck, cause the rehab time will be like 6 months until i get full movement back into my shoulder. Anyways I think i'm going to NYC again this weekend with my friend Joey and probably Nikhil, still in the process of working that out. We have spring break next week and i will be spending it working on a couple of papers.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Confusion
3 years ago, I was soo sure of the world, my views and my place in this world. I was incredibly confident that I knew how things operated and what was needed and how to fix the problems of the world. Now, its not so clear. I'm trying to find my place in this world and what it is that i really believe. Its probably the toughest thing I've ever had to do. Ya, i know it doesn't seem that way to many people but its a big deal to me, to figure out where I stand and where i'm heading. One thing i'm sure about is that i'll be in New York next year, just not sure what i'll be doing, which isn't that comforting.
I've been trying to come to terms with what I believe about God and all that. This is a tough one, especially given that I have no real experience of God. It really does work out to only being faith and belief which is sooo scary because it is entirely possible if not probable that God doesn't exist and is merely created by the human mind to avoid the abyss of loniliness. God gives comfort and order to our lives, it is really a daunting if not scary thought to think that God doesn't exist. It removes purpose and significance from our lives, it leaves us in oblivion of our own making with no helping hand or escape in sight. Thats what I'm trying to face, where do I find myself. I really want to believe, so strongly but I don't know how to do that and not do it blindly or with any foundation in my own experience.
The God issue is a deep and very profound issue in my life but another issue is that the more I get to know women and less and less i understand them. They confuse me beyond comprehension, i'm not sure what they mean when they say stuff and even when I decipher the words I have no clue as to what they really want or are saying. The more I try to understand the less I do. I'm a very straight forward person so everyone knows where they stand with me, If I'm cool with you I'll let you know and if i'm not cool with you, I'll let you know that too. The most important part is that I'll mean whatever I say. Not so with women, they say one thing and expect me to know what the hidden meaning is, its like slamming my head into a wall, it gets me nowhere to try and understand what they are trying to say. I get my sisters, probably because they think more like guys than girls because of living with me but I can't figure out any other women, I'm thinking that maybe i should just stop trying to figure them out and accept my fate of never understanding them and in the process make an ass of myself. If you have any clues or insight please let me know cause my ass is lost.
I've been trying to come to terms with what I believe about God and all that. This is a tough one, especially given that I have no real experience of God. It really does work out to only being faith and belief which is sooo scary because it is entirely possible if not probable that God doesn't exist and is merely created by the human mind to avoid the abyss of loniliness. God gives comfort and order to our lives, it is really a daunting if not scary thought to think that God doesn't exist. It removes purpose and significance from our lives, it leaves us in oblivion of our own making with no helping hand or escape in sight. Thats what I'm trying to face, where do I find myself. I really want to believe, so strongly but I don't know how to do that and not do it blindly or with any foundation in my own experience.
The God issue is a deep and very profound issue in my life but another issue is that the more I get to know women and less and less i understand them. They confuse me beyond comprehension, i'm not sure what they mean when they say stuff and even when I decipher the words I have no clue as to what they really want or are saying. The more I try to understand the less I do. I'm a very straight forward person so everyone knows where they stand with me, If I'm cool with you I'll let you know and if i'm not cool with you, I'll let you know that too. The most important part is that I'll mean whatever I say. Not so with women, they say one thing and expect me to know what the hidden meaning is, its like slamming my head into a wall, it gets me nowhere to try and understand what they are trying to say. I get my sisters, probably because they think more like guys than girls because of living with me but I can't figure out any other women, I'm thinking that maybe i should just stop trying to figure them out and accept my fate of never understanding them and in the process make an ass of myself. If you have any clues or insight please let me know cause my ass is lost.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Introspective Living
Over the past few days I've been thinking a lot about what it is that i know. I don't merely mean in the epistimological sense of what can be known or what it means to know but I mean in the more conventional sense of what I know; what i've picked up through experience and also through simple book learning. I have amassed a lot of knowledge, an enormous amount actually. I would consider myself well read in terms of world religions, philosophy and cultural traditions. I'm not very well read when it comes to world literary traditions meaning the great novels and books of the world. My interest lies more with literature that deals with more philosophical issues. I try and keep up to date on many of the linguistic theories and studies that have to do with the ancient world, for some reason the ancient world fascinates me. I love to find out about how the ancients viewed the world, what they thought and how they fundamentally viewed existence.
While i was thinking about all this stuff, it dawned on me that Eastern thought specifically Indian thought isn't just or merely just an intellectual exercise, to determine how intelligent or persuasive that I could be. It is meant to stimulate the mind and then lead to living a live based on that knowledge. Its become apparent to me that I've lost that vital and sustaining notion. The acquization of knowledge must have a ultimate purpose, a raison d'etre so to speak. What is it? It is liberation and salvation from the bonds of ignorance and impermenance. Previously, I've written about the Buddhist idea of No-Self which is fundamental to entire structure of Buddhist thought, if that notion of No-Self falls so does the ediface that is Buddhism. In a similar vein, Advaita Vedanta or simply Non-Dualism of Sankaraacharya is built upon the idea of absolute identity of Individual Soul and Supreme Soul. Of course, the premise is that there is an individual soul and supreme soul which are real, the self is necessary.
In Buddhism, knowledge frees one from the bonds of samsara and into nirvana which is the cessition of all things, meaning the end of all thought and suffering through understanding that from an absolute viewpoint all this possesses no real/independent/intrinisic existence and reality. The self itself must be removed. Advaita echoes a very similar concept, all things have no real existence apart from Brahman, therefore the only real entity is Brahman and all else has no reality apart from that. Even the idea of a individual self, in the final analysis doesn't possess any real independant reality, the individual self ceases to exist upon knowledge of Brahman or moksha/mukthi. Even the God with personality in Advaita does not really exist but only exists conventionally as long as one is within the confines of ignorance. What finally and ultimately exists is a unqualified undifferentiated Consciousness, it is not a conscious entity but consciousness itself. It is beyond all qualities and all relations, it can be referred to through negatives, meaning you say what it is by saying what it is not, it is not death therefore it is life, it is not insentient but is sentience and so on. This is very intellectually appealling but it is not meant merely to be just that. It is meant to be lived and followed, that is why Sankaraacharya was also a great mystic devotee, who composed many devotionaly hymns and prayers. The point of all this, is simply to say that I need to get back to my roots and try to live these truths and ideas that i intellectually study and maybe by trying to live them i will gain a deeper and more foundational understanding of them.
While i was thinking about all this stuff, it dawned on me that Eastern thought specifically Indian thought isn't just or merely just an intellectual exercise, to determine how intelligent or persuasive that I could be. It is meant to stimulate the mind and then lead to living a live based on that knowledge. Its become apparent to me that I've lost that vital and sustaining notion. The acquization of knowledge must have a ultimate purpose, a raison d'etre so to speak. What is it? It is liberation and salvation from the bonds of ignorance and impermenance. Previously, I've written about the Buddhist idea of No-Self which is fundamental to entire structure of Buddhist thought, if that notion of No-Self falls so does the ediface that is Buddhism. In a similar vein, Advaita Vedanta or simply Non-Dualism of Sankaraacharya is built upon the idea of absolute identity of Individual Soul and Supreme Soul. Of course, the premise is that there is an individual soul and supreme soul which are real, the self is necessary.
In Buddhism, knowledge frees one from the bonds of samsara and into nirvana which is the cessition of all things, meaning the end of all thought and suffering through understanding that from an absolute viewpoint all this possesses no real/independent/intrinisic existence and reality. The self itself must be removed. Advaita echoes a very similar concept, all things have no real existence apart from Brahman, therefore the only real entity is Brahman and all else has no reality apart from that. Even the idea of a individual self, in the final analysis doesn't possess any real independant reality, the individual self ceases to exist upon knowledge of Brahman or moksha/mukthi. Even the God with personality in Advaita does not really exist but only exists conventionally as long as one is within the confines of ignorance. What finally and ultimately exists is a unqualified undifferentiated Consciousness, it is not a conscious entity but consciousness itself. It is beyond all qualities and all relations, it can be referred to through negatives, meaning you say what it is by saying what it is not, it is not death therefore it is life, it is not insentient but is sentience and so on. This is very intellectually appealling but it is not meant merely to be just that. It is meant to be lived and followed, that is why Sankaraacharya was also a great mystic devotee, who composed many devotionaly hymns and prayers. The point of all this, is simply to say that I need to get back to my roots and try to live these truths and ideas that i intellectually study and maybe by trying to live them i will gain a deeper and more foundational understanding of them.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Delirium
This entire past week from monday night till about today, I was sick. It wasn't very fun. I was bedridden from monday night till about thursday, i literally slept about 15-20 hours a day and was delirious. I was convinced that the positions i slept in gave me different sicknesses, what sicknesses? Not a damn clue, i just knew i would get different diseases. I had many weird dreams all involving me wearing some weird outfit, including skintight rubber with a tail, go figure. So basically i got nothing new to report aside from the fact that i'm pretty close to normal now, although my roommates think normal and me never belong in the same sentence.
On a side note, I know i've written about this before but the more and more i see life the more and more i really truly do believe that nice guys do finish last. Trying to be a nice guy really won't get you anywhere except pissed off, its really not worth it, because whatever you did to try to be nice will be forgotten and you will inexoriably end up in a worse place than you started off. I just know it takes a lot out of me to try and be nice and it bites ass when that comes back in your face, moral of the story be a dick and life will work out the way you want because there is no real "things will work out for the best" world, or everything will be fine world.
Sadly, the world we live in is a terrible place, which only appears to have rhyme or reason. We make rhyme and reason moreover we make order in our minds from the pointless world around us because otherwise everything we know and hold dear means nothing. Things don't work out on this world, they work out for some but for others they don't and for those they have to make due with the pieces that are around them and build some semblence of a life. Rather sad and bleak view, i know but can anyone honestly refute it, given the overwhelming evidence? Hopefully you are all the ones it will work out for, but again hope is a two edged sword it nurtures some sense of sanity and belief yet in many cases it is a faulty belief without any real basis in probability and only exists in possibility.
On a side note, I know i've written about this before but the more and more i see life the more and more i really truly do believe that nice guys do finish last. Trying to be a nice guy really won't get you anywhere except pissed off, its really not worth it, because whatever you did to try to be nice will be forgotten and you will inexoriably end up in a worse place than you started off. I just know it takes a lot out of me to try and be nice and it bites ass when that comes back in your face, moral of the story be a dick and life will work out the way you want because there is no real "things will work out for the best" world, or everything will be fine world.
Sadly, the world we live in is a terrible place, which only appears to have rhyme or reason. We make rhyme and reason moreover we make order in our minds from the pointless world around us because otherwise everything we know and hold dear means nothing. Things don't work out on this world, they work out for some but for others they don't and for those they have to make due with the pieces that are around them and build some semblence of a life. Rather sad and bleak view, i know but can anyone honestly refute it, given the overwhelming evidence? Hopefully you are all the ones it will work out for, but again hope is a two edged sword it nurtures some sense of sanity and belief yet in many cases it is a faulty belief without any real basis in probability and only exists in possibility.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Weekend in the Big Apple
I was in New York City this past weekend, i went up to visit a friend Neha from college, who had flown up for some Jain broad retreat. It was a good weekend, I took the bus from boston to new york on thursday afternoon its about 4 hour trip, not too bad. I did take some books to read for school but I should have known better, I don't do work while at home why would i do work on a bus or in nyc. We went out together on Thursday night to this place called Hudson Hotel, it was a nice place and we met up with a friend of mine in the city. It was a fun night. I also went out on Friday night, again a fun night. NYC is great for the fact that its open till like 5 in the morning and that makes the night much more fun.
I had a couple of weird things happen to me on Saturday night. After we all went to this club called Earth NYC, which by the way serves pani poori with vodka instead of normal water, interesting. It was some indo party and i got claustrophobic really fast, too man indian people in one place freaks me out. I'm sure most of those people are professionals and successful but from my experience they tend to lack a lot of culture and heritage, damn straight its a mass generalization but its a generalization based on experience not something I pulled from my ass. I had to leave after a while, i really couldn't take that many indian people, its sad my tolerance for ignorant indians has dropped significantly since college, I guess i expect that as they age they would develop more culture and a wider outlook on life rather than so self-centric. This is not to say that there aren't any indians with a wider outlook and culture but they tend to be few and far between. Sometimes when I watch them interact, I find myself thinking "Do I act like that?" and sadly i think the answer is sometimes Yes. I try not but sometimes being around them just brings you to that level.
Anyways thats all beside the point, the two weird things happened to me that night. I was walking down 8th Avenue around 2am. I basically walked from 17 street to 59 street on 8th avenue, it gave me a good idea of how much New York changes within a few blocks. As I was walking up 8th avenue, this dude sees me and pulls his car over and is like "Hey". I turn over and look at him, i figured he needs some driving directions or something. So i walk over a little bit and respond "Ya, whats up" and he says "Do you know where Lincoln Tunnel is?" and I who have only been to NYC like 7 times, clearly don't so i tell him that I don't but he can ask the taxi down the street. So far very normal, then next second he is like "I am not from the city, are you?" and i respond "Nope, i'm just visiting" and he says "Do you like massages? Cause I like them a lot?" and i was like what the bloody hell, what kinda question is that. I stop for a second and think about what is this dude really asking, before i can respond he says "My shoulder and back really hurt, want to massage me?" and now I'm like holy shit, i'm getting propositioned by a dude. I was like "Umm, dude I ain't into that, I going that way (pointing away from him) " and i walk away. Crazy
Then within 10 min this other dude walks up to me and says "Yo homie, do you need anything?" and I'm like what the hell? "Umm no, I'm cool" and he says "Naw man, if you need anything girls, drugs, whatever, i'll hook you up." and I'm like "It cool buddy, i'm aight." Geez, what a city within 5 blocks I meet some weird shit, crazy world. ya its all random but thats all i have for the 3 of you that are reading this, i'll give you something more thought provoking at a later time.
I had a couple of weird things happen to me on Saturday night. After we all went to this club called Earth NYC, which by the way serves pani poori with vodka instead of normal water, interesting. It was some indo party and i got claustrophobic really fast, too man indian people in one place freaks me out. I'm sure most of those people are professionals and successful but from my experience they tend to lack a lot of culture and heritage, damn straight its a mass generalization but its a generalization based on experience not something I pulled from my ass. I had to leave after a while, i really couldn't take that many indian people, its sad my tolerance for ignorant indians has dropped significantly since college, I guess i expect that as they age they would develop more culture and a wider outlook on life rather than so self-centric. This is not to say that there aren't any indians with a wider outlook and culture but they tend to be few and far between. Sometimes when I watch them interact, I find myself thinking "Do I act like that?" and sadly i think the answer is sometimes Yes. I try not but sometimes being around them just brings you to that level.
Anyways thats all beside the point, the two weird things happened to me that night. I was walking down 8th Avenue around 2am. I basically walked from 17 street to 59 street on 8th avenue, it gave me a good idea of how much New York changes within a few blocks. As I was walking up 8th avenue, this dude sees me and pulls his car over and is like "Hey". I turn over and look at him, i figured he needs some driving directions or something. So i walk over a little bit and respond "Ya, whats up" and he says "Do you know where Lincoln Tunnel is?" and I who have only been to NYC like 7 times, clearly don't so i tell him that I don't but he can ask the taxi down the street. So far very normal, then next second he is like "I am not from the city, are you?" and i respond "Nope, i'm just visiting" and he says "Do you like massages? Cause I like them a lot?" and i was like what the bloody hell, what kinda question is that. I stop for a second and think about what is this dude really asking, before i can respond he says "My shoulder and back really hurt, want to massage me?" and now I'm like holy shit, i'm getting propositioned by a dude. I was like "Umm, dude I ain't into that, I going that way (pointing away from him) " and i walk away. Crazy
Then within 10 min this other dude walks up to me and says "Yo homie, do you need anything?" and I'm like what the hell? "Umm no, I'm cool" and he says "Naw man, if you need anything girls, drugs, whatever, i'll hook you up." and I'm like "It cool buddy, i'm aight." Geez, what a city within 5 blocks I meet some weird shit, crazy world. ya its all random but thats all i have for the 3 of you that are reading this, i'll give you something more thought provoking at a later time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
